I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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