I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
smell my finger.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
