I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
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Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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