He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
