I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
