a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
