I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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