I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
