i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
