And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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