He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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