who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize