Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
