I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
