Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize