She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
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I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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