neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
