i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
