im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
