he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
