i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
