I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
