her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
