My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
