that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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