Do you still have your period?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
