I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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