Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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