know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize