____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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