Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize