The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
