drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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