Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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