he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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