we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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