That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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