"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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