Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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