if you like me you must not know who I am
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
