FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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