I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
