I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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