but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
