dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
