the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize