I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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