I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
