I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
