I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
