I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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