I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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