That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
