she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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