I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
