omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
