Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pants are for mortals
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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