My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
