how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
