i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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