lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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