i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
