I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
