I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
